The Ballad of Quick Pun Muruggan (Please recite this with total tamil agscent-a)
Haiee... ! Mai naime ees Qeek Gun Muruggan i saiy... mined eet!
If yu're looking for humour een maiee moovhee, in many scenes yu may fined eet!
In some parts, aiee weel scoop out littul of yar braine and grind eet!
Mai naime ees Quik Gun Muruggan i saiy... mined eet!
I sayee yeggain, mai naime ees Queek Gun Muruggan, aaiee yam south indiyan coubwuoy... mined eet!
I let yeverywunn live in peace-a, i woodunt mined a little piece maiself-a for a twirl...
I got good chanzes with that bouncy babe-a Mango Dolly, eggcept for mai love of mai life-a, Locket Gurl
Who, if she beecums suspeeshus, will take an important body part and grind eet!
"The earth is my bed-da... The sky is my ceiling-a... The whole world is my naieeteeve plaice!"
I laou my vegetarian dosa and mai punjabi samosa but aiee hate aall animal killurs and eaters
Like this villyainous Gunpowder-a, whom i will grind into chowder-a
Cos he vants to convert aall veggie licker bars into non-veggie wuns... yana rascal-a!
"If you are lightning, I am 250 volt current..."
That is what aaie yam tailling yeggain and yeggain to some villyain
This one his name is MBA Rowdy, he kidnaps all Mummies, and I find that abhorrent
Cos he wants the laou of a Mummy in a dosa recipe, aaie yam tailling yeggain and yeggain he is big villyain!
So aiee pumb him with bullets-a and he spills out his guts-a and dies a painful death
But there is wun more big villyain, a veddy big villyain, i vant to see him take his last breath
When I think of him-a, getting jolly... with my fantasy gurl Mango Dolly, I get veddy veddy heddy
Ooiee Maa, I hate that villyain, that veddy veddy big villyain, who goes by the name of Rice Plate Reddy!
That villyain killed my loving Anna and kidnapped my Anni, all for laou of McDosa
He even killed mee laang ago, with a bullet in my heart-a, have yu seen anything mo' grosse-a?
But by graice aaf Gaad and creativity aaf scriptwriter aaiee yam yalive yeggain, kuch nahin bhula
To get maiee revenge-a on that heddy villyain-a and all those dabba-wallahs-a who wanted to do maiee dabba gul-a!
Yand finally-a, i reload my six-guns-a, yand with littul help from my fantasy gurl-a the jolly Dolly
The wun with that great ches... errr... yattityude, she has earned maiee yeverlasting grattityude
We go fourth to get Reddy, that veddy veddy big villyain Rice Plate Reddy.. the wun with the McDosa
Yand i pumb him with bullets, till i run out of bullets and wished i had some mo' sar!
Yand thus yends a tale, a veddy spoofy tale, of the lovable Quick Gun Murugan...
Yand yu cant spoof a spoof, cos a spoof is a spoof, which even that spoofy critic Lala knows,
So come watch me in the moovhee, quite a funny moovhee, lots of humour an' silly wit if yu can fined eet,
Ask Lala, if yu dont believe me, cos i saw him grinning like an idiot throughout my moovhee,
And all yu rascal-a villyains out there had better mined eet!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
My Spoofy Review of the Bollywood Movie : 8X10 ’TisWeak
Movie Name : 8X10 Tasveer
Downcast… er… Cast : Ackthoo Cuckoomaar, Aila Takloo, JaWed Jalfraizi, Sharmilee Ta-gory, Bhejafry Girgayani, Giglish KarMad, AnAnt Mahagrave-n-dumb, et al (who da heck is Al?!)
Director, sorry-writer : Nagesh Cuckoo’snest
Tall Storey : Here’s one more from good ol’ Bollywood that certainly insults your intelligence.. or what’s left of it!
The moowhee starts with tough-guy hero Jai Putrid (played by Ackthoo) convincing all and sundry how he can’t bear bear hunters who set up bear traps to catch bears (what else can yu catch with bear traps yu morons?!) Jai Putrid can jump from great heights into pools and lakes, stay under water for 4 minutes and come out smiling, holding a bear trap in one hand and a soggy script in the other! Can yu bear this…!? Barely…!
But, wait! Putrid also has uncanny powers…he can stare at a photograph and within 60 seconds, can look into the future of the persons whose photograph he’s been looking at for 60 seconds! Can yu believe that…?! Barely…..! But, wait… when he regains consciousness, he is in such a state that he has to be hospitalized… just like many of us in the audience! But wait… I realized even I have this uncanny power… having looked at all these bollywood pictures, even I can see the future… and it’s bleak!
So, where’s the story?! Oops… forgot… here it is… so we are told that poor Putrid gained this power when he was a kid, and I kid you not, after having lost some people who were very precious to him… like the script-writer, producer, director, a good female lead, et Al (who da heck is Al?!). After recovering from this shock, he realizes that he possesses these powers when he looks at all those dirty pictures in all those perverted magazines! And good boy that he is, he uses the power to help poor damsels whose husbands have got lost in the woods, by making sure that the husbands stay lost so that he can really help those damsels!
But wait! The story takes a twist when he finds that his daddy is mothered… er, murdered on this gorgeous yacht and he keeps staring at his dad’s picture to find the culprit and within 60 seconds, thirds, fourths and fifths, by the end of the moowhee, he solves the mystery… the longest 60 seconds I have ever lived!
It would be really cruel of me to reveal the ending and that’s the reason I’m going to reveal the end… in the end… in the end… in the end…(isn’t the suspense killing?!) in the end… the movie ends!
But wait…! This here review wouldn’t be complete without recalling some of the more memorable scenes and dialogues in the moowhee… like…. like… like… er…
Rating : Sorry folks, this spoofy critic has just realized why the moowhee has the title 8X10… ’Tis the dimensions of the padded cell in which he has been locked up. Last heard, he was found yelling, “What happened to my long tum mammary loze?!” Get the picture?!
Downcast… er… Cast : Ackthoo Cuckoomaar, Aila Takloo, JaWed Jalfraizi, Sharmilee Ta-gory, Bhejafry Girgayani, Giglish KarMad, AnAnt Mahagrave-n-dumb, et al (who da heck is Al?!)
Director, sorry-writer : Nagesh Cuckoo’snest
Tall Storey : Here’s one more from good ol’ Bollywood that certainly insults your intelligence.. or what’s left of it!
The moowhee starts with tough-guy hero Jai Putrid (played by Ackthoo) convincing all and sundry how he can’t bear bear hunters who set up bear traps to catch bears (what else can yu catch with bear traps yu morons?!) Jai Putrid can jump from great heights into pools and lakes, stay under water for 4 minutes and come out smiling, holding a bear trap in one hand and a soggy script in the other! Can yu bear this…!? Barely…!
But, wait! Putrid also has uncanny powers…he can stare at a photograph and within 60 seconds, can look into the future of the persons whose photograph he’s been looking at for 60 seconds! Can yu believe that…?! Barely…..! But, wait… when he regains consciousness, he is in such a state that he has to be hospitalized… just like many of us in the audience! But wait… I realized even I have this uncanny power… having looked at all these bollywood pictures, even I can see the future… and it’s bleak!
So, where’s the story?! Oops… forgot… here it is… so we are told that poor Putrid gained this power when he was a kid, and I kid you not, after having lost some people who were very precious to him… like the script-writer, producer, director, a good female lead, et Al (who da heck is Al?!). After recovering from this shock, he realizes that he possesses these powers when he looks at all those dirty pictures in all those perverted magazines! And good boy that he is, he uses the power to help poor damsels whose husbands have got lost in the woods, by making sure that the husbands stay lost so that he can really help those damsels!
But wait! The story takes a twist when he finds that his daddy is mothered… er, murdered on this gorgeous yacht and he keeps staring at his dad’s picture to find the culprit and within 60 seconds, thirds, fourths and fifths, by the end of the moowhee, he solves the mystery… the longest 60 seconds I have ever lived!
It would be really cruel of me to reveal the ending and that’s the reason I’m going to reveal the end… in the end… in the end… in the end…(isn’t the suspense killing?!) in the end… the movie ends!
But wait…! This here review wouldn’t be complete without recalling some of the more memorable scenes and dialogues in the moowhee… like…. like… like… er…
Rating : Sorry folks, this spoofy critic has just realized why the moowhee has the title 8X10… ’Tis the dimensions of the padded cell in which he has been locked up. Last heard, he was found yelling, “What happened to my long tum mammary loze?!” Get the picture?!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
My Spoofy Review of the Bollywood Movie : Grudge-ni
Review of the movie : Ghajni
Downcast… er… Cast : Almirah Corn, introducing south indian belly… er… belle… Asinine, Heehaw Khan, Parakeet Daawat, Khalipilli Sidhiccupi, et al (who da heck is Al?!)
Director, screenplay, sorry… er… story writer : A.R. Murdaghosht
Music Director : A.R. Rehene-do-man
Story : Here’s a bollywood rehash of the sollywood remash of the wonderful Hollywood thriller “Memento”… the moowhee starts thoughtfully for all us morons out there with a doctor explaining how poor baba Sanjay Singhornier suffers from a short term memory loss syndrome… and in case yu have not understood what this means cos of the hi-tek medical lingo, it only means that he suffers from a memory loss which is short term… so thoughtful of the story writer na… to set the jacket strait? And for those of yu who still can’t grasp what the syndrome means, the helpful doc even pronounces it as “Shoat tum mammary loze”… now if yu cant understand THAT… forget it!
Ok… now there’s no way I can cut this loooong story short but will certainly try…
If my memory serves me correctly, the first half of the moowhee tries extremely hard to introduce this v cute southy lass named Kalapanini, played by vivacious Asinine… and here the moowhee goes overboard in trying to show us that she really n truly is a cutie, with a heart of gold, helpful and considerate and honest! So, hey! What’s wrong if she pulls the wool over everyone’s eyes by claiming that business tycoon Singhornier (whom she has never met before) is her bf and lover? And what’s wrong if Singhornier himself pretends to be what he is not for most of the first half and then forgets who he is in the second?! What’s wrong wid all that?! Well… everything! The script, the story line, the dialogues, the grunts n screams of anger… but more about that later… right now lets concentrate the first half on our cute, sweet as saccharine heroine Asinine… completely asinine!
And then we have the extremely talented Almirah Corn, who gets clobbered by the villain and loses his mammary… er… memory, remember the shoat tum mammary loze we spoke about earlier… remember…. Hunh… hunh…. Forgot kya… well, anyway, poor fella can’t remember what he did 15 mins ago… imagine that… like imagine he goes to the loo, stands in front of the pot and has NO CLUE what to do next… is that embarrassing or what?! So to help himself, he keeps taking Polaroid pictures of all the important things he did and people he met 15 mins ago and it helps him somehow… like in the gents room he sifts thru 15316 pictures and then suddenly realizes what he has to do there! So intelligent na… and what about all those dirty pics he’s downloaded from the net… poor clod… can u imagine how confused he must be?! Can u imagine how confused we were?!
So… now suddenly poor tycoon Singhornier finds himself holding a huge grudge and wanting to take revenge and kill all the villains in the movie, but I won’t tell yu why… but then he remembers the last words some woman uttered in his ear… actually she was his wife-to-be but he doesn’t remember that… he just remembers the words, “Gajjar ka halwa” or that’s what he thought he remembered hearing… actually she whispered, “GHAJINI”! Scary na?!
But hey… who or what the heck is ghajini?! Is it a sweet dish… or mebbe some condiment like dalchini…?! The suspense is killing! But wait… Ghajini is THE VILLAIN in the moowhee… and he happens to be the WORST villain yu will ever see in bollywood films… where did they get him from?! The guy just cant act, speak or emote… was he trying to imitate Lalooji with his accent??!! Pathetic! And if yu think that guy was baaad, wait till yu see his henchmen… I haven’t seen another bunch of jokers in any other bollywood moowhee like these guys!! Where do they get these guys from?!
So now poor Singhornier wants to wreak havoc but can’t remember on whom… I wish he had gone about clobbering the producer, director, scriptwriter and all those in the moowhee who could not act… and there were plenty of THOSE! Like the police inspector in the beginning of the moowhee, the one with the biceps, who had no CLUE about basic acting techniques, the one who seemed to have biceps everywhere, even between his ears! Or young med student Heehaw Khan, looks lithe n supple, but yu wonder how they wove the script around her… what was she doing in the moowhee… her absence would have made NO difference to the storyline… but hey… when was the storyline ever significant in a bollywood moowhee?!
Bechaara Singhornier… but all is not lost… all he has to do is a few push-ups, sit-ups, weight training and lo and behold… a body packed with an 8-pack!! And a punch that packs a wallop! Wham… bam… dhishum… bhishum… Saare Zameen Par!
Arre… hahn… we spoke earlier about all the grunts n screams of anger… remember we spoke of that… hunh…hunh… remember…? Forgot kya… ? Well, those were mine!
But let me not underplay the grunts n screams of anger that talented Almirah Corn grunted or screamed… here are some juicy tidbits from the movie… and don’t forget to grunt and scream with your face totally contorted just like talented Almirah…
Script writer : Almirah Saab, what do yu think of the dialogues in dis moowhee?
Almirah : Aaaargh! Aaaargh!
Villain : Hey Singhornier, how did it feel when I stabbed yu in da belly wid that bar of steel reinforcement?!
Singhornier : If it was sixteen minutes ago then I don’t remember a thing, but if it was in the last 14 mins, then Aaaargh! Aaaargh!
Heehaw Khan (she is the young med student, in case yu guys are suffering from mammary loze) : Hey Singhornier, while running from yu, I started sweating like a pig… yu think I have B.O.?
Singhornier : Aaaargh! Aaaargh!
Heehaw Khan (she is the young med student, in case yu guys are suffering from extremely shoat tum mammary loze) : Hey Singhornier, while chasing those villains on my scooty, yu were riding pillion and yu looked so much taller than I… how did your high-heeled diapers feel?
Singhornier : Aaaargh! Aaaargh!
Kalapanini (played by Asinine, yu shoat tum mammary lozers) : Hey Singhornier, I know yu love me now cos I’m sweet n cute n vivacious n have nice legs, but will yu still love me when I grow old?!
Singhornier : Aaaargh! Aaaargh!
So, now we come to the end of this here review, and before yu ask me the one main important question, “Does she really have nice legs?”, I would strongly recommend that all yu morons out there must watch this one… its an absolute must watch! And if the producer, director, script n dialogue writer makes yu sit thru this one, wouldn’t yu also hold a huge grudge-ni?!
Berating… er… Rating : Sorry, this critic has forgotten to give a rating for this moowhee cos he suddenly suffered froam a loang tum mammary loze!
Downcast… er… Cast : Almirah Corn, introducing south indian belly… er… belle… Asinine, Heehaw Khan, Parakeet Daawat, Khalipilli Sidhiccupi, et al (who da heck is Al?!)
Director, screenplay, sorry… er… story writer : A.R. Murdaghosht
Music Director : A.R. Rehene-do-man
Story : Here’s a bollywood rehash of the sollywood remash of the wonderful Hollywood thriller “Memento”… the moowhee starts thoughtfully for all us morons out there with a doctor explaining how poor baba Sanjay Singhornier suffers from a short term memory loss syndrome… and in case yu have not understood what this means cos of the hi-tek medical lingo, it only means that he suffers from a memory loss which is short term… so thoughtful of the story writer na… to set the jacket strait? And for those of yu who still can’t grasp what the syndrome means, the helpful doc even pronounces it as “Shoat tum mammary loze”… now if yu cant understand THAT… forget it!
Ok… now there’s no way I can cut this loooong story short but will certainly try…
If my memory serves me correctly, the first half of the moowhee tries extremely hard to introduce this v cute southy lass named Kalapanini, played by vivacious Asinine… and here the moowhee goes overboard in trying to show us that she really n truly is a cutie, with a heart of gold, helpful and considerate and honest! So, hey! What’s wrong if she pulls the wool over everyone’s eyes by claiming that business tycoon Singhornier (whom she has never met before) is her bf and lover? And what’s wrong if Singhornier himself pretends to be what he is not for most of the first half and then forgets who he is in the second?! What’s wrong wid all that?! Well… everything! The script, the story line, the dialogues, the grunts n screams of anger… but more about that later… right now lets concentrate the first half on our cute, sweet as saccharine heroine Asinine… completely asinine!
And then we have the extremely talented Almirah Corn, who gets clobbered by the villain and loses his mammary… er… memory, remember the shoat tum mammary loze we spoke about earlier… remember…. Hunh… hunh…. Forgot kya… well, anyway, poor fella can’t remember what he did 15 mins ago… imagine that… like imagine he goes to the loo, stands in front of the pot and has NO CLUE what to do next… is that embarrassing or what?! So to help himself, he keeps taking Polaroid pictures of all the important things he did and people he met 15 mins ago and it helps him somehow… like in the gents room he sifts thru 15316 pictures and then suddenly realizes what he has to do there! So intelligent na… and what about all those dirty pics he’s downloaded from the net… poor clod… can u imagine how confused he must be?! Can u imagine how confused we were?!
So… now suddenly poor tycoon Singhornier finds himself holding a huge grudge and wanting to take revenge and kill all the villains in the movie, but I won’t tell yu why… but then he remembers the last words some woman uttered in his ear… actually she was his wife-to-be but he doesn’t remember that… he just remembers the words, “Gajjar ka halwa” or that’s what he thought he remembered hearing… actually she whispered, “GHAJINI”! Scary na?!
But hey… who or what the heck is ghajini?! Is it a sweet dish… or mebbe some condiment like dalchini…?! The suspense is killing! But wait… Ghajini is THE VILLAIN in the moowhee… and he happens to be the WORST villain yu will ever see in bollywood films… where did they get him from?! The guy just cant act, speak or emote… was he trying to imitate Lalooji with his accent??!! Pathetic! And if yu think that guy was baaad, wait till yu see his henchmen… I haven’t seen another bunch of jokers in any other bollywood moowhee like these guys!! Where do they get these guys from?!
So now poor Singhornier wants to wreak havoc but can’t remember on whom… I wish he had gone about clobbering the producer, director, scriptwriter and all those in the moowhee who could not act… and there were plenty of THOSE! Like the police inspector in the beginning of the moowhee, the one with the biceps, who had no CLUE about basic acting techniques, the one who seemed to have biceps everywhere, even between his ears! Or young med student Heehaw Khan, looks lithe n supple, but yu wonder how they wove the script around her… what was she doing in the moowhee… her absence would have made NO difference to the storyline… but hey… when was the storyline ever significant in a bollywood moowhee?!
Bechaara Singhornier… but all is not lost… all he has to do is a few push-ups, sit-ups, weight training and lo and behold… a body packed with an 8-pack!! And a punch that packs a wallop! Wham… bam… dhishum… bhishum… Saare Zameen Par!
Arre… hahn… we spoke earlier about all the grunts n screams of anger… remember we spoke of that… hunh…hunh… remember…? Forgot kya… ? Well, those were mine!
But let me not underplay the grunts n screams of anger that talented Almirah Corn grunted or screamed… here are some juicy tidbits from the movie… and don’t forget to grunt and scream with your face totally contorted just like talented Almirah…
Script writer : Almirah Saab, what do yu think of the dialogues in dis moowhee?
Almirah : Aaaargh! Aaaargh!
Villain : Hey Singhornier, how did it feel when I stabbed yu in da belly wid that bar of steel reinforcement?!
Singhornier : If it was sixteen minutes ago then I don’t remember a thing, but if it was in the last 14 mins, then Aaaargh! Aaaargh!
Heehaw Khan (she is the young med student, in case yu guys are suffering from mammary loze) : Hey Singhornier, while running from yu, I started sweating like a pig… yu think I have B.O.?
Singhornier : Aaaargh! Aaaargh!
Heehaw Khan (she is the young med student, in case yu guys are suffering from extremely shoat tum mammary loze) : Hey Singhornier, while chasing those villains on my scooty, yu were riding pillion and yu looked so much taller than I… how did your high-heeled diapers feel?
Singhornier : Aaaargh! Aaaargh!
Kalapanini (played by Asinine, yu shoat tum mammary lozers) : Hey Singhornier, I know yu love me now cos I’m sweet n cute n vivacious n have nice legs, but will yu still love me when I grow old?!
Singhornier : Aaaargh! Aaaargh!
So, now we come to the end of this here review, and before yu ask me the one main important question, “Does she really have nice legs?”, I would strongly recommend that all yu morons out there must watch this one… its an absolute must watch! And if the producer, director, script n dialogue writer makes yu sit thru this one, wouldn’t yu also hold a huge grudge-ni?!
Berating… er… Rating : Sorry, this critic has forgotten to give a rating for this moowhee cos he suddenly suffered froam a loang tum mammary loze!
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