Movie Name : 8X10 Tasveer
Downcast… er… Cast : Ackthoo Cuckoomaar, Aila Takloo, JaWed Jalfraizi, Sharmilee Ta-gory, Bhejafry Girgayani, Giglish KarMad, AnAnt Mahagrave-n-dumb, et al (who da heck is Al?!)
Director, sorry-writer : Nagesh Cuckoo’snest
Tall Storey : Here’s one more from good ol’ Bollywood that certainly insults your intelligence.. or what’s left of it!
The moowhee starts with tough-guy hero Jai Putrid (played by Ackthoo) convincing all and sundry how he can’t bear bear hunters who set up bear traps to catch bears (what else can yu catch with bear traps yu morons?!) Jai Putrid can jump from great heights into pools and lakes, stay under water for 4 minutes and come out smiling, holding a bear trap in one hand and a soggy script in the other! Can yu bear this…!? Barely…!
But, wait! Putrid also has uncanny powers…he can stare at a photograph and within 60 seconds, can look into the future of the persons whose photograph he’s been looking at for 60 seconds! Can yu believe that…?! Barely…..! But, wait… when he regains consciousness, he is in such a state that he has to be hospitalized… just like many of us in the audience! But wait… I realized even I have this uncanny power… having looked at all these bollywood pictures, even I can see the future… and it’s bleak!
So, where’s the story?! Oops… forgot… here it is… so we are told that poor Putrid gained this power when he was a kid, and I kid you not, after having lost some people who were very precious to him… like the script-writer, producer, director, a good female lead, et Al (who da heck is Al?!). After recovering from this shock, he realizes that he possesses these powers when he looks at all those dirty pictures in all those perverted magazines! And good boy that he is, he uses the power to help poor damsels whose husbands have got lost in the woods, by making sure that the husbands stay lost so that he can really help those damsels!
But wait! The story takes a twist when he finds that his daddy is mothered… er, murdered on this gorgeous yacht and he keeps staring at his dad’s picture to find the culprit and within 60 seconds, thirds, fourths and fifths, by the end of the moowhee, he solves the mystery… the longest 60 seconds I have ever lived!
It would be really cruel of me to reveal the ending and that’s the reason I’m going to reveal the end… in the end… in the end… in the end…(isn’t the suspense killing?!) in the end… the movie ends!
But wait…! This here review wouldn’t be complete without recalling some of the more memorable scenes and dialogues in the moowhee… like…. like… like… er…
Rating : Sorry folks, this spoofy critic has just realized why the moowhee has the title 8X10… ’Tis the dimensions of the padded cell in which he has been locked up. Last heard, he was found yelling, “What happened to my long tum mammary loze?!” Get the picture?!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
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